A baby in the bath and a baby on the boob!

So I am currently feeling emotionally numb. And not sure which realm I belong to. Am I numb due to needing to power through on mummy strength, merely a mummy survival technique or am I just failing miserably

Why…..
I take you back to almost 3 months ago where I found myself totally exhausted with a new baby (who did sleep), but a 2 year old who was up ALL night scratching! I felt extremely helpless yet had 3 children to look after, function for and entertain fully as it was the summer holidays. (And I forget to mention a house in disrepair as we thought an extension was a good idea!!?)  
The Play Date-
A few minutes from arriving at a friends house my son’s face ballooned up. His hands welted up like he’d rolled in stinging nettles and he was screaming, scratching till he bled and begging me to help him. We dashed up to their bathroom with his soap and flannel (I always carry) in my hand to wash him down in warm water and rid him of whatever had started this reaction. M is a very sensitive child (a long story, I’ll fill you in in later blogs) and this wasn’t the first bad reaction I had witnessed so I knew what I had to do. Washing normally calms things but this time there was no avail. Back downstairs to administer BabyPiriton while I held a cold flannel to his burning welted skin. Then the 4 month old baby begins to cry. My friend a mummy of two herself attended to T; reassures her and my other daughter and her own children aswell. We all watched in complete panic at M’s face getting redder and redder and he literally fights me with all his strength to scratch his arms and neck to pieces! My darling friend starts to fight back the tears blaming herself, her home and her dog……but the truth was, it was no ones fault and I for one did not blame her or any other factor that was in her home at that very minute-all I could think about was getting him home and in the bath. 
My friend offered to run him a bath at hers but my gut feeling was to just get out, get home where he was ‘safe’. Yep ridiculous….safe! He was safe at my friends- no one was going to harm him but something had triggered him to harm himself!
Then the practical reasoning behind going home kicked in- washing powders! If I bathed M there and then wrapped him in a towel not washed in non-bio (specific make) that could set him off again!!!
So with my eldest remaining to play with her friend and continuing to be reassured by my ‘calm’ voice (I was screaming inside) I grabbed T and M  and ran to the car instantly strapped both in and sped home listening to the choir of cries!
Bath run and both still crying, I stripped M off, laid him straight in the bath, whipped out my boob and sat on the cold tiled floor to feed T. All the while singing nursery rhymes to keep what I thought was the children calm… but maybe it was me?
I think the moments that followed then were a mixture between what the hell am I doing, why is no one here to help me, then despair followed by anger! Why my boy, why this, why now…..why, why, why?
So it’s safe to say I felt like I was a total failure of a mother. I felt guilty for leaving K at her friends as I couldn’t possibly cope with another to drag home (but my reasoning was to not let her down by removing her from the play date originally planned!), guilty that poor M had reacted at what was meant to be a fun play date and guilty that T had to wait so long for her feed! Guilt, guilt, guilt!
So I figured the reaction was definitely my friends dog, yet M has been around other dogs and been fine. So the next mission will be to find out which dogs. Is it the fur type, oil type, salvia or has he built up an immunity to certain dogs? M had not touched her dog and only walked in and sat on the sofa! (My friends home is well kept and clean and there was no sign of dog). 
I continue to guess to whether it was fur airborne or to whether M was low in his immunity that day and just couldn’t handle a normal sensitivity and so reacted so strongly!??
The next few weeks I kept M ‘safe’ in his home environment! I avoided many friends homes with indoor pets dogs and cats-and we had a few quiet weeks. I struggled as my home was not in a great state though liveable and probably not as bad as I felt it was- I was far too house proud to invite people to ours. So here is where my blogging begins- my lowest point as a mother- hoping for an emotional release I suppose!
People who know me know I am a very positive person and always make light of the darkest of situations but this had happened with limited sleep, a constant stream of being needed and quite honestly I was beyond exhausted and felt like everything was totally out of control! 
So living with acute allergies is tough but being a mummy to a child with them is emotionally frustrating, heartbreaking and quite honestly exhausting! I think I am surviving not failing but it’s hard to distinguish the two most of the time!
I am in no means comparing eczema and allergies to other awful situations darling children go through nor do I want sympathy- this is merely my story; our allergy journey in hopes it will help others.

8 thoughts on “A baby in the bath and a baby on the boob!

  1. ointmentcollection

    It really does sound familiar too my story as well. Me starting a blog was mainly because I wanted support from people who understood me and who knew what I was talking about. The thing I keep saying is “they just don’t understand me” I am at my lowest point, and I just needed to be heard because every time I spoke to someone who I thought would at least go along with what I said I ended up realizing they think I’m being dramatic that it’s just a small rash. But that small rash signals hours of sleepless nights for me, and another extra thing he ate that day or touched that I need to eliminate. I too have been quarantined at my house for 3 weeks now. I can’t take my child breaking into another rash… sigh. I have a skin test tomorrow I need answers! I hope I get some answers and not more questions

    Like

    Reply
    1. mummysaysknow Post author

      We’ve had many skin tests and in desperation of the 13week waiting list at the hospital we turned to homeopathy as like you say…”no one was listening” but she did!! He is slowly getting better and we are getting answers but my first blog was really a vent to release it all so to say! It brings me and my husband to tears and you are not alone! Planning on blooging the journey, skin test results, elimiation diets, homeopathy and free from recipes and more! Good luck with the skin test……keep in touch x

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. raibaker

    hey there, I went through something very similar with my son – he’s 10 now and grown out of a lot of the sensitivities… (still goes into anaphylactic shock to some foods and still reacts to skin contact with some foods and products) but it was far worse when he was little and going through what your son is going through. I remember how terrible it was as a mum – guilt, grief, desperation and that awful feeling of not knowing what or how to make it better. My son reacted to everything: fruits, veg, pulses, egg, dairy, oils, hypoallergenic products, nappies, animals, soaps… The one thing I found that helped him that he didn’t react to and calmed his skin down post reaction and bath was pure potions skin salvation – we called it his magic green cream! (Its not green, its not really a cream but it was magic for him!!) I recommend you try it, its expensive but they may let you try a sample – http://www.purepotions.co.uk/products/skin-salvation it was created by a mum for her daughter who wasn’t responding to the products the GPs prescribed.

    It is also pretty isolating when you are going through it and are searching for ways to make life “safe”. I hope that as he gets older he grows out of it like my son has/is. You are in good company, there are many of us struggling (secretly super-mums) and we like you have felt totally out of our depth, failures, scared for our little ones and desperate for real help! I hope that you are able to find a support network – virtual or locally and that you get some time for you. What I have learnt is that we expend much energy surviving and being calm for our children whilst on the inside panicking and terrified – we need yoga or a massage or something to release the tension we internalise otherwise we can get rundown and ill… we need a place where it’s ok for us to cry with relief that they are ok, or rage at how unfair it is for such an innocent to suffer… take care of yourself as well as your little ones…xx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. mummysaysknow Post author

      Thank you so very much for your message- made me slightly emotional if I am honest! It touched a nerve your right- I do need to find for just me even if it’s once a month! I have actually got a pure potion sample pot right now which we are trailing on his back to see if he reacts/is ok with it! I really appreciate you sharing that info- I’ll honestly try anything!!!
      My son is very allergic to dairy, eggs, fish, spinach- sensitive to wheat, gluten refined sugars and some natural sugars too! Environmental dogs, cats, rabbits and most small furry friends, moulds, grasses and pollens….but there’s more it’s just pin pointing them!
      If you don’t mind me asking was there anything you did to help him ‘grow out’ of his sensitivities? Removal from his diet? How long? How did you reintroduce etc
      Just curious if you sought alternatives to the normal NHS help also?
      Much love x

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. raibaker

        Hey there, sorry to have touched a nerve – hopefully it means you know you are not alone fighting his corner – there are parents dotted about doing the same. Aars was the same – very allergic to multiple foods and creatures… I can share what we did but what I am learning is that everyone is different and allergy is a strange and unpredictable beast – one thing is consistent I HATE ANAPHYLAXIS. That said we were advised to remove contact with the allergens – he would react if he put his arm down on a clean table (but invisible to the eye was some dairy/blueberry/egg/courgette/chickpea/rapeseed oil… on and on the list went) within seconds he was covered in blisters – This went on until he was about 7/8 years old. It meant that we could barely see my parents as my mother did not understand it – she would smooth out her chocolate wrapper and I would ask her to wash her hands before touching Aars and she refused insisting her hands were clean – then she would hold his hand and he would be covered in blisters before we could count to 3… The doctors told me the more contact he had with the allergens – externally and internally the longer and less likely it would be for him to recover. So if we had an incident with my mum he couldn’t see her for 3 months – she learnt eventually but it was a painful process. We couldn’t go to toddler groups… but I was blessed to have many friends with little ones – once anyone saw the immediate and huge reaction to seemingly nothing they became very careful and aware – so we did play dates most afternoons with friends who were accommodating and “safe”. I used pure potions when he had a reaction and medical olive oil on his skin as a moisturiser as he reacted to everything else… I tested food on his skin when I was weaning before putting it in his mouth… My main concern was ensuring he was getting enough protein, calcium and other vitals in his diet as I had seen kids with his allergies being very small for their age…. it worked until last march when everything went haywire! I also had a very kind guy from Oz do some Kinesiology on Aars when he was 7/8 which resulted in big changes for Aars in terms of his contact reactions lessened. He gave us three sessions with the condition that we were to donate money to a charity of our choice!! From then on Aars skin did not react to the allergens – also he could not smell the “disgusting” smell which stopped him from eating the allergens so we entered into a new phase which was seemingly much better – no contact reactions anymore – but instead full blown anaphylaxis with second waves as the allergen was in his stomach and being admitted into hospital as the swelling in his mouth wouldn’t go down. I felt that we were left to our own devices – I was shocked we weren’t shown how to use the AAI… now things are better we have a dummy Jext and a dummy Epi-pen to practise with… last year in March everything spiralled out of control with Aars reacting to many many “safe” foods even anaphylaxis in two cases – I looked on the British Society for Allergy & Clinical Immunology (BSACI) website to find a paediatric consultant near us and went to the GP armed with the info and he referred us. It has been a God-send as we are finally getting so much help and support and understanding and insight into the field – there is incredible amounts of research going on and it genuinely feels like there is hope for Aars and for the future of other children like him and your son. I am not sure where you are based but we travel and hour and half to go see a body of specialist who are transforming Aars life – we understand what happened last year and are bracing ourselves for Spring – when it’s likely to all kick off again! When these specialists find people with genuine allergy they want to help, they want to educate and they all care – it seems everyone we have met either suffers themselves or someone close suffers from anaphylaxis. Aars’ consultant looked him in the eye and told him “we are going to make you as well and as healthy as we possibly can, we are going to try and introduce as many foods to you that we can” Once we started getting help I suddenly became overwhelmed by all the holding it together I had been doing over the years – and I crashed. It was relief and thank £*%^ we are finally getting some proper help and support. Had Aars been born close to the hospital we go to he would have been helped from 6 months onward – we met other boys who had been! I hope you find someone who can genuinely help you and your son and that you find the support you need…he will survive, you will survive but wouldn’t it be wonderful to see our boys thrive… to not feel so lost and alone and to have the support that we are finally enjoying ten years down the line… I hope you get yours very soon. Much peace and hope to you – and make sure you get that massage this month 😉 xx

        Like

    2. ointmentcollection

      I love that you wrote that paragraph. I feel just like this. I know he will grow out of it. But I definetly feel understood something that I don’t feel much of right now. I do feel desparate and hopeless. But I know it will get better it’s just such a hard process. But it’s good to know we are not alone

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  3. The Free From Fairy

    Oh you poor poor things. How absolutely awful. I count myself very lucky since my daughter, Roo has now grown out of her allergies to cows milk protein and egg and now just has an intolerance to dairy and coeliac disease (managed by a lifelong gluten-free diet). I started my blog to share my recipes and experience with other families in similar situations. Welcome to the blogging world! You have got off to a flying start…nobody read my blog for a good 6 months!!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s